Milo and me
Milo, i first encountered that name in the movie The Mask. Milo was the pet dog who keeps following the hero and finds him.
My Milo found me.
I am the villian of my story. As a villian every morning with the waking conscience, my thoughts descend on me to trouble me and I generally wake up with a heavy head. I have a perennial fear of abandonment. This means I am expecting that you will stop reading at some point and lose interest. This is what my head tells me all the time and i fight each moment and get through to be in the present. Sounds simple but it is exhausting.
So here I am going through a seperation where the only person I thought will be with me was not and it seemed everything around me was a lie. I was not sure I wills survive it and my BAE said “get a dog”. That is how I got Milo.
Milo is a lemon beagle, a complete opposite of what Beagles are supposed to be. He is differnt, calm and composed most of the time. When i first saw him, he was running away from me so phrrrrr…. my favourite dog. I got him home. I had no idea at that moment how will i care for him since i had just started living alone after what seems like eternity. So in my head, i was already giving him up for adoption.
A. The first night
I went to the pet store and got some food and essentials. Milo was following me all around the house peeing and pooping. I was never used to having someone actually follow me all the time and not going out somewhere or watching television or shopping with the money one never had. So it was frightening! With a person who has a sense of abandonment, believe me it is harder. I called up my BAE asking to take Milo because i needed space. This chap was difficult to shake off :) I t was 1 AM, he would not stop crying and I felt he was missing his mother or siblings, so i gave him one finger to hold and sleep.
B. The next 60 days
Being a single pet mom, i had to leave him at day boarding during office hours. So everyday, i would leave him in the morning and when i come back, he would run to me. He would make a face which would say ~ I hate this place. I thought i was imagining it in my head. But next day when i came back to pick him, something did not feel right. When i picked him up, he had something rubbed all over him in one particular spot. When I enquired the boarding informed he got into a fight with a dog and was hurt a little. Since he was looking fine, i took him home. I could not sleep that night and i took him to vet the next morning to have him checked out. Once they cleared the fur, there it was. A big hole like he was bitten badly and I could not stop my tears. Vet told me that dogs have capacity to hide pain and we need to be very cautious of their needs. I was mad at myself for not listening to him earlier and not acting on my gut feeling. But that day, i felt for first time, we share a bond and understand each other without speaking.
C. You are enough !
As i read a lot on having a dog, training them, what to do to ensure a long and healthy life. I felt that Milo would be happier in a family. And all this while telling myself i am not good enough for him. But Milo taught me, I was enough. My BAE used to tell me that as a parent, one is enough. All you have to do is try your best and that is enough. I never saw a sad Milo. He was happy till the time he got food, water and someone to play with. A small ball will make him happy and be enough. He would lie soaking the sunlight, watch other hoomans and dog from balcony and be happy and cuddle up to me whenever he got the chance. Without speaking, I will know which food makes his stomach go bad, what time of the day he wants to sleep, when does he want to pee…
He taught me was “How to say No”.. If you have a dog, you know that they can make out when you are being assertive and when you are not. So, i had this huge problem which was saying yes to everything. So when i used to say “No Milo”, it was with bleak voice and of no meaning to Milo. So i learned how to say no to Milo with assertion. And i was able to say no to lot of other things in life too!
Milo somehow figures out my mood swings, so somedays he will sit on corner of bed waiting for me to burst in tears and he will come and comfort me. Somedays he will know i am deep in my thoughts and he will just sit besides me. I do not know at which point but we became a team. He will wait for me to come back home and jump everytime he sees me with pure joy in his eyes (and expectation of a treat). I may not play on so many days and be dull but he will always be ready with a ball and a dashing smile.
D. The forever
I know all of the above seems normal when one has a pet but for me it was different. I am thankful that Milo found me.
